


From the Mind of Ryoma Echizen

by MarjorieAlyss



Category: Prince of Tennis
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, Journals, Therapy, dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3489146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarjorieAlyss/pseuds/MarjorieAlyss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seigaku's tennis team is being sent to therapy after their Coach dies. Their therapist gives them different topics they must write about in their "journals". Nothing too harmful right? Reading the entries of their youngest player puts that to question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Brother

Chapter one: Brother

Everything

That is the only way I know how to properly describe Ryoga.

You may believe this vague, maybe even slightly childish, but that word has been inscribed in my mind about the person who calls himself my older brother since before I can remember. Never do I remember a time that Ryoga was less than perfect, he has always been top of his class, the favorite of everyone he has met, social with people naturally, and great at tennis…as his little brother I never stood a chance.

He did everything perfectly that took me years of backbreaking practice and hard work to accomplish without even trying. And you know what?

I'm sick of it.

Sick of the constant comparisons,

Sick of not being good enough,

Suck of being overlooked,

Sick of being unwanted,

Sick of losing,

Sick of this game of pretend,

Sick of waiting.

No matter how long I wait it isn't going to happen, I know that. But even with the knowledge I still find myself clinging to that stupid hope.

Sometimes I think it is all a dream made up by my mind in a moment of desperation but I remember a time when it wasn't like this…

When Ryoga protected me,

When he WASN'T the pinnacle of perfection,

When we were brothers,

When I felt that if I only tried hard enough I could be something too,

When the Echizen family WAS a family,

When I wasn't afraid of my friends meeting Ryoga,

When something OTHER than tennis mattered,

When the two of us were equal.

But that was a long time ago, so long ago that my memories are fuzzy and questionable. So long ago that all I truly know is the now.

And in the now I don't have love, or importance, or a true family to go home to, or security that my friends won't leave me, or even an older brother really…

…All I have in the now is tennis…

…And even on a tennis court he wins without ever even trying.


	2. Child

Innocence lost too early before it had a chance,

A sport some call a game is only pain to this one

Abandoned by all he stands alone, though not by choice

If something doesn’t happen soon, this child will fall

 

Hiding in the dark of night behind locked doors,

Praying that someone somewhere will save him

Blood dripping and sliding to release the pain,

Crimson like tears and dripping through the floor,

No one to make it stop, before this throat bleeds raw,

Night terrors that are all too real come to choke

Around the thoughts that would try to rise,

And then the nightmare comes, never dies.

 

Hush child, its coming; this is the fear, footsteps sound one by one

Hush child, don't scream, drip blood and break bone,

Hush child, just close your eyes and forget,

Hush child, and let the world fade, then fall into the abyss.

 

Expectation runs high and this child is not enough,

Not when the stains are too deep and disgusting,

Not good enough for what it wants,

Not enough, used and tossed away into the fall.

Though he's no child, not anymore.

They don't need to know however,

The ones who will probably never understand anyway

After all, isn’t it better this way?


	3. Reaction

Chapter three: Reaction

Silence rings through the clubroom as Fuji's voice dies out at the end.

No one knew what to do now.

When the therapist had off handedly asked each one of them about their youngest team member during their last sessions they had thought nothing about it. Passing it off as her being worried about him due to how seemingly unaffected he was by Coach's death even though it was him who had actually seen her get hit. But when Oishi had reported that she had seemed increasingly interested in knowledge of the golden-eyed boy's home life they had decided to find out why.

It was Inui who had said to read his journal. More specifically that there was an 85% chance that whatever was worrying the woman was in there. They had expected something small but "normal" as Magumi-san was strange in their opinion and they all were somewhere in terms of annoyance (Tezuka, Fuji, Kawamura, Inui, Kaido)and hatred (Momoshiro, Oishi, Kikumaru, Echizen) in their feelings towards the woman who they had been forced to meet once a week for two months now. Despite her claims that were made to contradict their complaints she was apparently "valid in all of what she has said from her observations of them". They decided she wasn't.

Tezuka was slightly constrictive and harsh yes but he wasn't obsessive compulsive,

Oishi was by all means a mother hen but that didn't mean he had an anxiety disorder,

Fuji was strange and hard to read they would give her that much. However it was going to far to say he was asocial and had a Asocial personality disorder.

Kawamura was completely different personality wize with a raquette in hand sure, but he wasn't schitzophrenic,

Inui saw statistics in everything but he didn't have a derelization disorder.

Kiado was scary and everything but he was far from being psychotic.

Momoshiro was always fighting with Kaido but that was just how they were. It didn't mean the power player had Intermittent Explosive Disorder.

Kikumaru was a bit childish... well, more than a bit... but that didn't mean he was mentally retarded or whatever.

So the regulars had atomatically assumed that Megumi-san was just as insane with her conserns for their freshman as she was with her diagnosious of them.

That didn't seem to be the case...

Fear

Silence rings deadly through the air

Secrets no longer exist here

The play ends, the curtain closes, the end

No room for anymore pretend.

Hush little boy, don't make a sound

As the place once safe turns lethal

Hush little boy, don't make a sound

As the war long overdue, rages on around you

Hush little boy, don;t make a sound

As long as I'm here they can't hurt you

Screams now class through the air

Innocence is no longer welcome here

Caught between the truth and the lies

No room for love on a battlefeild

Hush little boy, no ones here now

As your protector abandons you here

Hush little boy, don't make a sound

As vases break and glass shatters

Hush little boy, no one's here now

As the monster too real opens the door

And that was simply the last entry. The others before it also brought questions to mind. Did they even know their youngest teamate at all? It certainly didn't seem like it right now. Was tennis even any fun for him? They had thought he LIVED for the sport. One of his entries seemed to more than just say otherwise....

 

Tennis

To say I hate everything about the sport is an understatement to say the least.

 

I loathe it.

 

Whenever I step onto a court I want to bolt the other way as fast as possible.

Whenever I pick up a racket I feel the need to vomit.

Whenever I see something related to the game I want to scream.

 

But I don't do I?

 

You who claim to know me so well just because we play on the same team have no idea the effert I exert simply by making myself show up to practice.

You wonder why I never smile or (God forbid) laugh...

... How can I when I'm playing the very sport that has made my life a living hell?

 

You who play the game for the fun of it,

Could never understand why I put up with it.

Glare at me in disaproving discust all you want,

It won't change anything about it...

 

One more serve...

One more hit...

One more point...

One more game...

One more match...

One more terniment...

One more plack...

One more trophy...

One more tittle...

One more win...

 

If I only manage it just one more time...

Then maybe...

... Just MAYBE...

 

... HE will finally LOVE ME.


	4. Love

Chapter four: Love

Sighing Ryoma slumps against the door that would lead back into the school as he hides his face in his hands. Today just wasn't his day, it seemed, and there was no sign that it would be getting better any time soon.

In his attempt to get out of the house he had forgotten both his lunch and his Ponta money

His body hurt even worse than it normally did and the gash on his back had already bled through four rolls of gauze this morning.

His English sensei was on maternity leave and the substitute they now had for her was impossible.

He was getting extremely tired of how the regulars had been acting around him this past week.

Ryoma's eyebrow twitched in annoyance at that last bullet in his mental list. What the hell had happened to cause such a change in only half an hour? At first it was small things that most wouldn't have picked up on at all but he had known something was up immediately. After spending nearly a whole school year together and living in a house where how fast you picked up on the small print meant the difference between a peaceful afternoon and a... well... not so peaceful one... it would be hard for him not to. By now what had started with whispered conversations they made sure he didn't over hear and worried glances had by now escalated.

Inui-senpai was being more persistent in his data collecting of the Echizen family. Hounding him about a whole slew of new questions everyday that he refused to answer.

Momo-senpai was constantly telling him that "You should trust your senpais, you should Yo!" as well as picking him up for practice earlier and releasing him from "Team building" activities later than he had been.

Oishi-senpai had nearly made himself a permanent fixture around Ryoma. Hovering over him and making it almost impossible to hide his injuries completely.

Eiji-senpai's glomp hugs now came more frequently and yet they were gentler in some way. As if the red-head wanted to ensure that Ryoma truly was there but at the same time treating him like a piece of glass... a really shatter-resistant piece of glass...

Kawamura-senpai had off handedly told him that he could show up at the shop whenever he needed help during one of their few conversations.... about the power player quitting tennis... 

Fuji-senpai had this strange vibe around him as if he were simply waiting for the right time to strike at an enemy.

Kaido-senpai, while distant unlike a certain mother hen, was hanging around a lot more recently. His soft hissing was actually beginning to become comforting.

The worst though was Buchou. He said nothing but the way he looked at him was as if he knew. His eyes didn't fill with the usual pity he got from those who had suspected in the past, which Ryoma was grateful for. However, his gaze now softend whenever they rested on the emerald haired boy. Which happened more often and lasted longer than it had before.

Sighing the twelve-year-old takes out his journal in order to continue writing an entry for his next meeting with that annoying woman. Apperantly she wanted his topic to be about love this time. As if she wasn't bad enough alone, she had to choose topics that drove him up the wall...

... What the hell was love anyway?

Golden eyes light up as he gets an Idea.

 

Love

What is love?

Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection to pleasure. It can refer to an emotion of a strong atraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection. It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals. Or at least the dictionary says it is.

But I think, no, I know....

That love is so much more.

Love is warm

Love is great

Love is everywhere.

It's a hug between a mother and her son.

A person sobbing as their friend stops breathing.

The way someone's eyes light up when they think of something.

And that, my dear, is not all that love is.

What is love? Who truly knows?

And if you do than I pity ypu.

For if those who have come before can be refferenced

Then 'to love is to lose' and 'you don't know what you have until it's gone'.

So to answer your question,

I can't tell you but in open-ended descriptions and vauge examples

Love is fickle

Love is confusing

Love is destructive

It's changeing yourself just to stay near a person

A person protecting someone from the dark

The one remaining even when all hope has fled

Love is a story that no one can ever truly understand.

Reading the entry over Ryoma smiles ro himself, it wasn't the best thing in the world but it would do. He was a 12-year-old tennis player afteral, not an accomplished poet. Oyoji loathed poetry. Well, he hated al literature really, sans those trashy magazines he leaves everywhere. But it had been a poem that introduced him to the fact that his youngest son wanted to write instead of play.

Tears fall slow and silent from golden pools, even though it was so long ago he still remembers.

The beautifully structured sentences.

The captivatng stories that never ceased to amaze.

The freedom that came with putting words on a page...


End file.
